And you thought 2008 was epic...

Around this time of year, I can’t help but focus on what my new year’s resolutions will be. The concept of changing our ways upon the striking of midnight on a technically unimportant date (exceptionally unimportant if you follow the lunar calendar), clichéd as it is holds immense meaning to me. And I think that the month of December can reveal a lot about a person’s true character. Between juggling holiday parties, not getting fat, and managing finances with our country’s proud consumerism always beckoning, this month is trying on even the grinchiest of souls.

ANNU SUBRAMANIAN’S RESOLUTIONS FOR 2009:
1. Watch a lot of really great movies. For months I’ve kept a list of movies I want to see, and I really haven’t gotten around to any of them. I’m even excited to go to the movie theater and go see this year’s Oscar nominations. If you know any great films, keep those suggestions coming!
2. Write Write Write. My journal has been relatively naked this year. 2009 will be an incredible year and appropriate documentation is necessary : )
3. Meditate. Ommmmm. Maybe I’ll cleanse my aura in the process
4. Live it up. Next year I not only get to enjoy the luxuries that accompany carrying a “second semester senior” card, I also join college. I can’t wait!

2009 will be an epic year for many, but most notably, our President-Elect Barack Obama will be faced with a multitude of activities, critics, events, and, oh yeah, issues. That’s why I have taken the time to also compose a list of new year’s resolutions for Mr. Obama. With these, he’ll be able to thwart the challenges and stunts that even Houdini would balk at.

ANNU SUBRAMANIAN’S RESOLUTIONS FOR BARACK OBAMA FOR 2009:
1. Locate Joe Biden and put a shock collar on him. The Vice-President-Elect (lots of hyphens!) is a distinguished and experienced politician. It would not be ludicrous to suggest that he could serve as both vice-president and Secretary of State. Biden, if his boundaries are clearly drawn, can redefine the role of the vice-president and detoxify the notion that the VP doesn’t do anything but shoot people until the president dies. Perhaps Biden should assume the responsibility of looking beyond the American borders while Obama focuses on internal issues. Obama skeptics will want to find fault with Biden, but if JB spends his time reclaiming the term “pro tempore” and actually doing his tasks, the Obama-Biden team will be unstoppable for the next eight years.
2. The Bush comparisons stop on January 20, so get your shit together. We all know that Bush sucked. That doesn’t mean that Obama can suck less and say “SEEE, AT LEAST I’M DOING BETTER THAN W!”. When you’re in office, people will be seeking their own criticisms of you, and basking in the glory of not being Bush is a cop-out move.
3. Prioritize the US economy. But please, not too many bailouts. Galvanize the economy by creating sustainable programs, rather than just fire-fighting solutions. This may imply redirecting money toward a stronger public school system, or enhancing grassroot community programs. Not only will you fix our economy, you will immortalize your term in the process. Global issues will always exist, and the world will always look to the USA for support. We want it that way. But by trying to repair our failing economy, AND the problems in (clears throat) The Middle East, Darfur, Russia, Somalia, Pakistan, Afghanistan, China and the Polar Ice Caps (breathe), nothing will be successful. Things won’t even be half-assed. They’ll be, like, third-assed. Focusing inward and fixing our economy first will ensure our stability before we try and impose that property on others.
4. That said, Africa has a ticking clock on it. We have written blank checks to Israel and China for too long. It is time for us to redirect our international focus to a continent in peril. With Europe giving Africa the cold shoulder, it is the duty of the United States to shed light on and emphasize the myriad issues that plague it. And, to be honest, the value of NGOs is wonderful for communities, but they do not incite sweeping change. If we want the continent from which all mankind sprang to have a future then the big dogs in government and businesses have to join heads and realize the solutions to (clears throat): HIV/AIDS, Malaria, Darfur, Somalia, pirates, government corruption, teenage pregnancy, abuse of women, orphans, violence, child soldiers, unfair stigma associated with disease, and Robert Mugabe (breathe). If for no other reason, Obama, do it for your late father and all your brothers and sisters in the motherland.
5. Milk your honeymoon. We elected you. By quite a bit. Now go and exploit your first hundred days like you know you want to!
6. Get Chile Peppers with Annu and then give her a million dollars. Hey, a girl can dream!

With that, I am going to only say one more thing. GO CHARGERS!!! BRONCOS SUCK.